I am pure efficiency, stream-lined woman, down to zero. For all my reducing, I can not eliminate my feelings, my need, my deep-seated ache. I have made myself thin to gone and still they declare their presence. My body reverberates, full to explosion, expansion pain unbearable.
I declare, declare, declare, words my release, my search for relief, for truth. Once spoken should be enough, but it is not, I am on repeat, all ache and repeat, ache and repeat.
I am here and here is bright and public, no space for me to stuff everything away. I need to keep yelling my feelings, my feelings, YES! I have feelings. I, who pretended she didn’t. I, who took care of everyone and made sure to always be okay. I have silenced myself for too long and the eruption is happening. I am an explosion thirty years in the build-up. I can not stop the fire, the red bleed, my bursting feelings, my demanding needs.
I erupt, erupt, erupt, an explosive display, all mess and fury. It is force, growing to burst. It is raw, uncontrollable, unpredictable, chaotic, and organic – it is birth.