I have lived the outer rims, skirting ’round my being, my person, my elemental, primal self.  I’ve traversed, along the edge, careful to not offend, pretending that I am bland, lack-luster, comfortable, non-offensive.  Through all of my effort to water down, subdue, I’ve successfully organized into the edges of my life.

…

I remember fire : creativity : emotions.

I  remember determination : vast : fluidity.

I remember dynamic : bold : fearless.

I remember united : primal : fierce.

…

I have forgotten myself in favor of the safety afforded with perhaps, maybe, I’m-not-sure-what-others-will-think.  In general, I’ve barely lived.  And I know this much, I could keep hovering over my life, living at a safe distance.  But I want to sink in deep, live my pure elemental self.

And I wonder, could it be any more painful or exhausting than how I currently live, securing safety at all cost?

Perhaps the fall-out of living publicly will be far less exhausting.  Perhaps I just don’t care anymore what the cost is.  Perhaps I need to just say it – Fuck ‘em! – I am done with masters and prisons and politeness.  I am done with caring for all.  I am done with pure negation of self.

It is time.

I build an altar.

The fire is blazing and I throw in all the flash and flare, good opinion, man-given and woman-made security.

Now is for empty, naked, stripped down, sunk-in, all-consuming, HERE I AM living.

I declare myself base : primal : elemental.

I am meant to live my pure self.

I speak my elements.

I speak my return.

…

I am water.  I am flow.  I am organic, dynamic movement, affecting change, fearless and direct.  My path cuts rock and mountain, I am to sever, cleanse, create.  I am to be ever-change, ever-new, always connected, cycling and {re}cycling.  I am connected into the Water of Life.  I am a drop, I am an ocean.

I am fire.  I am power.  I am force, fury, charged-to-full energy.  I am not apology, I am not methodical.  I am the chaotic, the consuming, I am the dying.  I am forged from the Source, I am unafraid and built to burn, to {re}create space for the return of life.  I am a spark, I am a volcano.

I am earth.  I am woman.  I am body, named Moon’s daughter, I am emotions.   I am sunk in deep, grounded through living here, accepting now.  I am soul manifest : in tears, laughter, skin : in burning, moving, expanding, dying, and birthing.  I am intuition and gut-knowings, and when the emotions speak I will listen, when they consume I will surrender.  I am from Her womb and I will return to Her.  I am dirt, I am holy ground.

I am in surrender, in return to my primal self.  My elemental me.  I have lived on the outer rim, a shadow of my self, a distant cry from my source, my living.  She is calling me home, She is singing me back to my holy ground, my sacred space. There is no more time for hiding, diluting, skirting my Yes!.  I see the wide open space, I welcome the vulnerable, the surrender, the risk.  I am a breath, I am eternal.

…

What calls to you friends, what will you answer in your self, for your self?  May you all find your primal, your elemental, as we pass this threshold, this year birthed anew.