My son is not raised in isolation. I believe he should know that I am growing right alongside of him. I’ve given myself permission to live, to be as I am, whether struggling or rejoicing. I will live what is true. I will not tuck myself away, I will allow for exposure and honesty. I will honor him and honor myself, which can only be done through openness, through relationship.
I do not pour myself out recklessly, drowning him, as it were, making him my life raft; rather, I live myself, my struggle, my truth next to his. I believe he will gain more security with a mom that isn’t pretending. If I were to build him a house of cards, complete with fake parents, and unrealistic expectations concerning relationship, family, and God; ultimately, I would set my son up for unrealistic expectations for himself. I don’t want him to pretend and hide from himself, the Divine, or me.
I trust in the Larger, the long view, the lifetime he has to live. I trust that he will understand, at some point, why I lived alongside of him. He might have more abrupt and honest experiences inside our home as a child, but I trust there will be less confusion, pretending, resentment, and hiding throughout his lifetime. I want to show him and allow him to experience: seamlessness, grace, and his own strength, abilities, creative energy, and failures. I want him to learn that life is lived through the years, the accumulated moments, the sacred ground cultivated through our daily living.
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Sarah Bessey has written an inspired parenting series at Emerging Mummy that I’ve found invaluable. She is asking parents to join a Parenting Carnival and share “what we try to do to enjoy parenting right now“. I love the challenge to strip back my parenting and find a cord holding it {and me} all together. Be sure to click on the link and check out other parenting treasures.
Thank you Sarah for inviting us to all join the conversation.
you are truly a most beautiful and sacred soul.
After I read your comment I went back and read my post, because I wanted to see my ‘beautiful and sacred soul’. It’s laughable {if it weren’t so sad} that I am surprised by what you said.
Thank you, dear one, for taking my hand and gently leading me back, for helping me see and appreciate myself. Oh, how I need relationship, I can not thrive in isolation any better than my son.
Yes. Yes. Yes. We take this view too.
Love,
Erika
I wonder how this next generation will live as adults when they’ve been given the long view?
I must admit it makes me a tab bit excited at the possibilities.
Thanks for your stopping by Erika, for coming alongside of me.
oh, i could not agree more. I try to stay transparent to my kids about my being “human”. i live in real time with them, and sometimes I really screw that up. and I ask for them to forgive me. I refuse to use the term “because I said so” because that means nothing. If I want them to respect me, it will because they will learn that I am trust worthy and honest. They are their own people… fully alive outside of only what I wish them to be. I try to foster their natural selves while guiding them to expand into life. Thank you for helping me feel not alone in not having a one step guide, but viewing it as a journey.
I like the phrase ‘live in real time with them’ – it demands being present, being honest, accepting grace. In the present there isn’t a buffer, there isn’t an escape. If my child is screaming {or I am} then there I am, there we are. Sometimes I want to escape from the ‘real time’, the reality of now. But, I, like you, am trying to learn how to rest in the situation, the relationship, and myself – not running, but living. And truly, that is what I want to show my son, how to live, how to embrace his own unique, messy living.
Thanks for writing such a long comment, I appreciate your vulnerability and I appreciate the way you parent. You make me not feel so alone. Blessings.
I LOVED this. It reminded me of the post I made just this past Saturday called “Growing Up With You” emilyelizabethstone.com/2012/02/04/growing-up-with-you/
I love this idea that life doesn’t stop. We do not mother in isolation. We grow right along with our kids. I enjoyed reading these thoughts in your own words.
No, life doesn’t stop, does it? But there are endless moments, there is endless grace and endless love that we abide in as parents.
Blessings.
I had a moment like this at nap time when my two year old wouldn’t calm down and allow herself to sleep. I had to punish her disobedience and in that moment I thought, you know what baby? I learn the hard way too, it sucks but I love you too much to let you go. She’s sleeping now and I am recharging for whatever the rest of the afternoon holds. Reading and resting and trying to grow up right along side of her.
Don’t we all have a lot of growing up to do?
)
Bless you as you recharge {and your daughter too}.
Thanks for stopping by today.
Loved this —> “I want him to learn that life is lived through the years, the accumulated moments, the sacred ground cultivated through our daily living.” Amen and amen.
Yes indeed, amen.
Thanks for hosting this wonderful Carnival, Sarah.
came over from emerging mummy — so enjoyed this post. need to remind myself of how amazingly *helpful* this is for our kiddos, as i find myself saying to my 5-year-old (again), “mommy isn’t doing very well today, will you forgive me for (blank)?” they need to see how we respond to the very tangible reality of failure.
That is it Jamie, “they need to see how we respond” – be it to failure, success, hurdles, longings.
They learn from us what is ‘acceptable’, what is human, what is grace.
Thanks for stopping by!
Well said. I agree that such honest living is best and will be best.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Robin, so glad you came by to read and share.
This is our heart cry as well. I want my children to know me.. the real me. Someone just last week said that I should be careful what I write on my blog because someday my kids may find it and read it. I turned to my husband and said, “I hope they do because this was/is their mothers journey.”
Indeed, why would you want to hide this amazing process from them? They will be in contact with your continued freedom and honesty, plus, they will know that you will understand, listen, and not judge. All wonderful building blocks in relationship. Good Job mama!!